Fisting

A year ago a male friend asked me to fulfill a strap-on fantasy for him - which is another story for another time - and during the aftercare he asked if I had any unfulfilled fantasies. I said I wanted to try fisting. It was something that I was fascinated by and terrified of at the same time. This friend had the most skilled hands I had ever encountered, so he felt like a safe person to try it with. He found a local workshop that taught the mechanics of vaginal fisting and we made plans to go.

I was married at the time. We were polyamorous, but he was disturbed by the idea. He was upset that I had never mentioned this desire to him, that I wanted to share this first with someone other than him, and that I felt a fisting workshop was an appropriate second date. He was even more upset when I told him I was considering asking to volunteer as the demo. It was a huge argument and I ended up cancelling.

Weeks later I still wanted to try it. I was worried about letting my partner being the one to do it, but figured that as long as we went slowly, weren't goal oriented, and did a lot of checking in that it would be fine. We kept a copy of "The Whole Lesbian Sex Book" next to us - open to the fisting section - the entire time.

We used big globs of lube. His hand was a perfect duck bill, palm up. We worked everything in up to that last thumb knuckle and it was such an intense, burning stretch - and then it was in. His fingers curled into a fist and he slowly began to move. It was the most beautiful sensation I had ever felt and I started to cry. They were happy tears and I felt like I was releasing something very deep and old. I felt open - emotionally and physically, exposed, overwhelmed, and unable to do anything other than to focus on keeping the pelvic floor relaxed and taking everything in. I was glad that I had chosen to do this with my partner in such a safe space.

Fisting is now a very regular part of my sex life. I am fucked with a fist far more often than a penis or dildo. It is the most reliable way to bring me to orgasm and I am grateful for it. But as often I am fisted I have never been able to duplicate the emotional high of that first experience.